“Got some African blood? We need you, and how!
A Proudfoot would send us right over the moon
American Natives can’t get here too soon!
All you Mexican types whose name ends in “z”
Gomez and Lopez – you suit us to a T!
Filipinos, yes please! Even Caucasians!
Come on and help us offset all these Asians.”
In 2012, UC San Diego hired Wisconsin-based law professor Linda Greene to fill the newly created position of Vice Chancellor for Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion. Now, after barely more than a year on the job, with nothing by way of explanation (or visible results), Greene has gone back to Wisconsin. But UCSD Chancellor Pradeep Khosla has vowed to find a replacement, and has already begun putting out feelers, in the form of a Dr. Seuss-style letter sent to key candidates nationwide. (Dr. Seuss, aka Theodore Geisel, was a great friend to the University, and its library bears his name and houses the his papers.) SD on the QT has obtained a copy of the letter, and presents it here without comment.
Too Many Nguyens (pronounced “nwens”)
by UCSD
An unofficial adaptation of Dr. Seuss’s “Too Many Daves”
(Thanks, Ted!)
We can’t quite explain all the whys and the whens
But UCSD just has too many Nguyens
And too many Itos, Tanakas, and Wangs
Also too many Kims, and Parks, Lees, and Yangs
Over forty percent have roots in the East
We need to reduce that by ten points, at least!
We brought in a Chancellor and paid her a lot
But she didn’t help move our numbers one jot
So now she is gone, and we’re looking afresh
For someone to bring in some other-hued flesh
And to help clarify, we’ve made out a list
Not quotas, exactly, but you get the gist.
We need a Sadiki, a Mwamba, a Tau
Got some African blood? We need you, and how!
A Proudfoot would send us right over the moon
American Natives can’t get here too soon!
All you Mexican types whose name ends in “z”
Gomez and Lopez – you suit us to a T!
Filipinos, yes please! Even Caucasians!
Come on and help us offset all these Asians.
Diversity doesn’t take care of itself
We’ll need you to be our diversity elf
And if you can get all those names on the bill
We’ll happily pay you a cool quarter mil
