I’m Switching Parties by Sam Janney

This is so awesomely liberating, to no longer have to think for myself or worry about this country. It’s great to know now I can sit on the sidelines, making snide comments at those of you unwilling to give up your rights and freedom and mock your attempts to save this country. I can’t wait to call someone a racist simply because I can’t come up with a better argument–and honestly, I am totally looking forward to making a jerk out of myself at some pro-abortion rally…

That’s it. I’m switching Parties.

Yes, as of now I am a Democrat. I’m going to quit my job and chain myself to a tree to protect it from the evil rich white man. Then I’m going to stop shaving my legs and write angry poetry about evil rich white men trying to control my lady parts and then after that, I’m planning on joining Code Pink and getting my very own dancing vagina costume.

And why shouldn’t I? The Obama administration has all but made any real effort to succeed on my part unnecessary because really, success matters not when the government is handing out insurance, phones, food and abortions. Competition is just mean and makes people feel bad, it’s not fair to lose when someone else is just better at doing something than you are and the democrats are making sure that there is no such thing as being exceptional. We’re all at the same exact level because that’s fair.

What’s the point of working hard anymore, why bother caring about the future of this country when clearly it is no longer relevant?


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