Merriam-Webster defines shame as “a painful emotion caused by the consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.” It’s also the susceptibility to having such an emotion. Shameless is the inability to feel disgrace, which describes many of our politicians these days.
Shelly came over the other day and confided to me sheepishly that she had shamed her little girl, Cindy.
That morning, they had pulled into the Starbucks to order breakfast. Twice the eight-year-old refused to order, “Not hungry.”
Then, on the way to brother’s ball game, the little girl asked, “May I have some of your sandwich, Mommy?” to which Shelly replied, “Of course.”
Before she knew it, a sated Cindy gazed back in the rear-view mirror, having devoured all of the breakfast sandwich! But that meant no food for Mommy, for the duration of the Saturday morning little league game in the hot sun.
“Cindy, I can’t believe you just ate the whole thing! You knew it wasn’t for you. You knew I was only sharing it with you! You said you didn’t want one. Why wouldn’t you leave some for it for me? It was my sandwich!”
By the time Shelly pulled into my driveway, she was distraught, and not just because she was on a sugar low. She felt deeply conflicted for humiliating her daughter to make her point.
“Of course you should shame your children,” I replied. “That is your job, as a responsible parent. Shame is one of our most useful tools! Shame is the barrier between decency and depravity in a moral society.”
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